NO PHOTO AVAILABLE

I tried to get a photo.  I even had the camera ready, but by the time I got to the playroom to take a picture of the CLEAN floor, it wasn't clean anymore.  Girl had been there.  'nough said.  Picture "PigPen" from Charlie Brown fame.

Last night DH and I were flipping through channels.  We came upon the reality show "Buried Alive" the stories of hoarders.  It was fascinating in a train-wreck sort of way.  The lady they featured  had a beautiful home that was stuffed to the roof with stuff, junk.  Her husband had left the house 3 years before because he couldn't live in the chaos.  For the episode he was coming back into the house for the first time.  I said to DH "if that were me, I'd open the door and then turn around and leave.  I couldn't do it."  And I couldn't.

I recognize hoarders have serious mental health issues.  And I don't make light of that. I just recognize my own MHI (mental health issues) and clutter/chaos trigger near breakdown in me.  Hence my aversion to the playroom after Girl has let loose.  It is best for me to avoid that room.  All I have to do is walk in the room and my crazy sets in.  Piles, mess, stuff on the floor (anyplace, not just the playroom) send me to lou-lou land and I have to get out.

Girl hangs on to "stuff."  Every piece of paper and craft ever made is held in a special place in her  heart.  It literally causes pain to throw things out.  She's too sentimental.  Me, I am the opposite.  There are very, very few things I feel that kind of attachment to -- my internal organs, and the organs and souls of my peeps would be about it.

If I had to choose actual items to save from a fire I'd say I'd pick my wedding ring, the Royal Doulton that was my grandma's, and the first painting DH gave me.  I'd have to say Rocky too (even if he started the fire, 'cause I wouldn't put it past the punk.)  That's it.  Everything else can be replaced.  It's just stuff. 

That's why I could never relate to the hoarding thing.  I can't imagine surviving in such chaos. 

I need my peeps, and I need tidy.  Now if I could just train the peeps to be tidy.....

It's March Break. I had all kinds of illusions about how I would spend my week at home. I told everyone I wasn't doing anything -- just staying at home and vegging out. Well, that lasted one day. I spent yesterday following my plan. I laid around on the lazy boy chair. I watch soaps I haven't seen in years, I finished my book, I accomplished nothing -- exactly according to plan....and I was pretty miserable, uncomfortable even. I went to bed completely bewildered by my lack of joy. How could this be? How could I not be thrilled; I wasn't even remotely tired?
And then it dawned on my early this morning...I am not a "do-nothing girl." That is a foreign state of being. Idle nothingness is a great idea, but it doesn't sit well with me. I am most comfortable being busy, accomplishing something. I blame my parents. Even reading, the closest I come to just sitting, is about doing something, learning something, finishing something. I know, it's sick. Who wouldn't give anything to be able to just relax and do nothing? Well me, I guess. I did that yesterday and now I have a long to-do list and I am thrilled....

101 things

I am following the Jack Canfield Dream Big program that builds on "The Secret's" Law of Attraction. There are a series of lessons I listen to on CD each morning. Today's lesson requires that I create a list of 101 things I want to do/have/accomplish in my lifetime. A sort of "bucket list" if you will. Here's my difficulty....I'm stuck at 8. I think I'm at a place of contentment in life. I've accomplished most professional goals. Now my wishes have more to do with helping my kids reach their potential. But that can't be it for me -- I can't be few years short of 40 and NOT have a list. I'm wondering if it's the stage in life. Comment or email if you've tackled such a list. Let me know how it goes. For now, I think I will have to pause at this lesson and dream bigger. When I get to my 101 I'll let you know (notice I said "when," not "if.)

I'm back

Well, it's been a few months -- we're in a whole new year, infact.
I've decided not to let a busy life take me from something I really like anymore....
so I'm going to attempt to "blog" at least once a week.
Call it a new year's resolution.
Actually I did set myself a new year's resolution for 2010. I promised to practice "gratitude." For those of you familiar with "The Secret" you recognize this virtue. I've been keep a short (5 line) journal every night of the 5 things I am grateful for that day. It's pretty mundane stuff.
For example, my journal might say "functioning dishwasher." That's cause I'm grateful that my dishwasher was repaired, like REALLY grateful.
Then I hear more news from Haiti and I figure my gratitude journal is pretty feeble when one considers what I ought to be most grateful for -- health, family, democratic stability, safety, infrastructure....
So when I am grateful for my "envy of the town" shoes, know that it comes from the vain part of my brain, not the heart....

Addicted...

I have an addiction (well more than one, if you count chocolate). I am addicted to Spider Solitaire and Free Cell games on the computer. I tell myself that they are good "thinking" games which is important to keep the brain stimulated to ward off dementia (DH might suggest I need to play more!). I do my work, answer emails, blog etc. but before I hit "shut down" I have to run through a couple of games of each. Some days it feels like those games are the only thing that is going right (those are the winning days) other days I tell myself my luck will be better tomorrow. I realize what a waste of time this habit is; I realize I have better things to do but I am compelled to try my luck at a good hand once a day. I think I better stay out of Los Vegas...