Rocky

Woke up one day last week to a disaster.
Guess who caused the disaster??
Guess who couldn't figure out how I guessed who caused the disaster?






































It was not a good start to a Monday morning.

Apparently That Cat has not outgrown his love for the "jungle plants."

So I swept up the dirt.  Stuck the plant back in the pots and accepted Rocky's sincere apology.

just try and guess....

Here are your clues....

I came home from work yesterday to find the following items spread down the length of my hallway

Item #1 -- a clean pair of DHs work socks, unfolded, wrinkled a bit. The pair was not together

Item #2 -- a shoe lace from a hockey skate

Item #3 -- a skateboard

Item #4 -- the cat's harness and leash


Can you guess?

I wish I had a photo, but since I don't I will describe to you exactly how the above mess was explained to me in my conversation with Girl and DH.

Me:  What's with the stuff in the hall?
Girl:  Me and Dad were playing with Rocky.
Me:  Where's Rocky now?
DH:  We think he's hiding.
Me:  Should I be worried about him?  Did you tie him up or something?
Girl:  Not really.  But he liked what we did.
Me:  Not really???? 
DH:  Well, he went skateboarding.
Me:  (my voice is rising)  Skateboarding?
DH:  He was safe, and he might of liked it.
Girl:  (interrupting) We tied the string to the front of the skateboard.  And put the leash on Rocky.
Me:  Uh huh....
DH:  The silly cat didn't seem to mind.
Me:  And the socks?
Girl:  He was safe.  We tied dad's socks around his head so if he crashed it wouldn't hurt.
DH:  Like a little helmet.  He liked it.
Girl:  Yeah.  He liked it.  He didn't move 'til I walked away from the board.  He just sat there.  He liked it.

Me: (Thinking.) I'll bet he was wishing he had on his cool blue argyle t-shirt, cause that would be totally rad!

Rocky watched until the middle of the third.
Then he just couldn't take it anymore....

Why I check the dryer before I turn it on....

Somebody likes to jump in

Why I stand way back after I open the dryer door

This is the "evil eye."

Apparently it is not funny to the feline, to have the dryer door shut.   Also, it's not funny to have your picture taken in this state.

(No, I didn't turn it on.  Just closed the door and shook it up a bit.)

I thought it was funny.

Then I slept with one eye open....

This is the view that greeted me from the throne in our bathroom last night.













So, I know what you are thinking.  You are asking yourself "does she really take the camera everywhere, even there???

Yep, I took the camera to the bathroom with me, but not in the hopes of some great unexpected photo op.

This was the photo I was planning to take.  This is the view I have every night as I sit upon the pot. 
This is where Rocky hides, so he can jump out at me when I reach for my toothbrush.  This is part of our nightly routine.

Nothing creepy about this photographer.  Nothing at all...

Maybe something slightly twisted about the subject though.....

wavering

Look at those eyes.  Look at them.  How can I?  How can I?

Next week Rocky is booked into the vet for surgery to have his "man parts" removed.

I fear it will hurt too much.  I fear he won't forgive me.  I fear it will change him ....

But I also recognize that I will be upset if it doesn't change him.  I'm hoping the "big chop" will tame the savage beast.....

'Course he'd likely also need a brain transplant and I can't afford that!

napping

"Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap."
~Robert Fulghum.


just sayin'....



It's called "trick the people"

Trick Number One:

It's called "hide under the china cabinet." 

If you have been especially bad --like, if you've been on the counter, or into a plant, or if you've been on the table sticking your paws into a vase and wrecking a bouquet, or if you've put teeth marks in a shoe -- this is a good trick.

Here's how it works.  As soon as you hear/see/smell people coming run, then DIVE, dive, dive under the China cabinet.  Then peek one eye out to see what is going on, and to make sure no one has noticed anything amuck in the kitchen.  This trick is effective for two reasons:  1) no one can get to you under the cabinet, unless you get cocky and stick your head out for too long and 2) if you are here, how can you have done such damage way over there?  Clearly, people, there's been a mistake.

This trick has two drawbacks: 1) Sometimes you have to hide for a long time, because it seems, people, especially the big red-headed one, have long memories.  2) When you are a growing kitty sometimes you forget to take into account that your head is larger than it once was.

Trick Number Two:

If you have been a bad kitty -- like, you've dug in a plant and then walked through the bathroom sink and left muddy footprints all over the counter, if you have taken a sock or two (not matching, of course), if you have hidden hair elastics or barettes, if you have scratched a chair or climbed a curtain -- this is a good trick.

Here's how it works.  As soon as you hear/see/smell people coming, run then leap onto The Chair.  Hold your head up high but not too high, look interested but not too interested, pose in a slightly arrogant, somewhat aristocratic manner.  This trick is effective for two reasons:  1) if I am here doing this, I could not have done that, and 2) Look at me.  I am beautiful.  Would I have stooped so low?

This trick has two drawbacks. 1) If your paws are muddy, you've not only given yourself away but you've also muddied The Chair.  2) When you are on The Chair, you are readily accessible and vulnerable.  There is no place to hide, and looks can only take you so far....

there's a tongue in my ear

Wake up. 3:37am -- there's a tongue licking my ear -- it's not DH's....

The kids are away at Grandpa and Grandma's farm for the week.  Rocky misses their attention.  He constantly looks to me to entertain him when I'm home.  Unfortunately he's okay with both positive AND negative attention....

He's woken me up twice this week between 3:30 and 4am with his wet nose and wee tongue in my ear.  Can you imagine being woken from a sound sleep with a tiny wet willy?  I generally brush him away, but that is only the signal that I'm awake and want to play.  I find it's best to play dead but Rocky nibbles my eye brows, purrs softly in to my neck, does the ear thing repeatedly.  When he's satisfied I'm not into playing he'll curl his soft body around my head and go to sleep with a loud purr that might actually be a snore.  Then I lie awake (still pretending to sleep) for an hour or so...

Rocky is so lonely this week he follows me every where, even to the shower.  Which creeps me out a wee bit.  I keep wondering if maybe he's some 1920s playboy reincarnated.....
That puts a different spin on the tongue in the ear, doesn't it?

baby

He digs in my plants and bats at their leaves.  He shreds hanging plants.
And he jumps into the bathtub -- whether anyone is in the tub or not. 
He roots around in my papershredder.
He leaves toys all over the house.
He wakes me early morning with his wet nose in my ear.

But he's our baby....

And we love him....

How could we not?

(I think the above photos explain serve to explain exactly how Rocky gets away with the crimes listed above on a regular basis.)

Google Kitty

Seems like a really smart kitty, huh? 

Really technologically advanced....

Then you realize he's not so far up the evolutionary continuum afterall. 
See small hole.  Me put head in hole....  Meow.

Rocky likes to get into things....literally

helping to load the frig.... (It's really hard to see him in this photo 'cause he's so well camoflaged...)

okay, now you can see him

keeping an eye on the the Girl's babies

Did I mention that not only does he "hide" in stuff,  he's also so very, very helpful.....

Aquatic Kitty

Completely normal looking cat here.

Rocky was laying on my desk watching me get ready to give myself a pedicure.  Watched me soak my feet in lavender scented water in my big stainless bowl.  I thought it was so nice to have some company.  Yeah, well he was just biding his time....

Have I mentioned that our cat LOVES water?  He splashed and played until the office floor got too wet and he started to slip around.  Also, I wanted to get "Pink Vamp" on my nails quickly 'cause then I had to mop the floor.

Crazy cat.

Rocky loves hats

This is what happens when Rocky is really glad to see you.  He sits on your head.  If you have a hat on, it's game over.

He looks evil.  Really he's just trying to figure out how to balance on the Boy's head and get at his ears at the same time....

Rocky loves shoes. Part 2

It has been established that Rocky, like me, loves shoes. 

His current passion is for little blue maryjanes with red embroidery on the toes.  They belong to the Girl's dolly Bitsy Baby.  Poor Bitsy is always without one shoe, you see hers are more fun to scoot around the kitchen.  Also they smell like dolly and not Boy.

Here Rocky demonstrates his superior dribbling skills, like David  Beckham.

 

This is where he plans his next attack.

And here, the little shoe clearly got away on him.  Go shoe, go!

Battle

There is a war going on in my house.

I will concede that I have just lost a battle, but know that I am determined to win the war.

I had a beautiful wandering jew plant in my kitchen.  It hung gracefully down the plant stand.  Full and lush.  Then it met Rocky, who strategically shredded it within days.  Rocky was cunning too.  He did his damage at night when he knew he wouldn't meet the fly swatter.  I had to resort to the fly swatter when the water thing didn't work out in my favour.

I saved the few pieces of plant that I could.  I'm starting to root them all over again.  You can see the spider plant babies in the background were a casualty of war too.

After careful observation I determined that Rocky wanted two things -- one to play with the plant and two, to have the windowsill they were sitting on.  See, the sunlight there is perfect for a napping kitten, unfortunately that's why it's the perfect place for my houseplants to flourish. 

In the end, I conceded.

I moved plants around so that there was a napping space available.  This is Rocky "hiding."  He didn't know he'd beaten me yet.

This is Rocky enjoying his victory.

I lost this one, but I resolved to stay firm on the "no cats at the table" rule!

parenting

So DH and I had this plan.  We figured that if Rocky scratched the furniture or jumped on the table etc. then we would squirt him with water.  We assumed that if we did that a few times he would learn not to do certain things.  He's a smart cat, he'd catch on quickly....

The other night I caught him on the counter, in the kitchen sink.  Perfect place for the water discipline plan.  I turned the tap hose on him.  He did not leave the sink.  I don't think he even blinked.  I soaked that wee guy and he did not care.  Then I felt really bad cause he seemed to be half his size and he was dripping wet.  I set him on the floor and carefully dried him off with the closest tea towel.  Clearly, the discipline plan we had so carefully worked out was not working as we had assumed it would.

Next day we had Rocky outside in the garden.  He discovered my fountain.  Interesting.  Then he discovered he could walk around in it.... and splash.  Cool. 

We've  nixed the squirt bottle plan.

New plan? 

Beat him.

And then he does cute things like sleep on my phone books and I know I'll never spank him.  He now has licence to run amok.  Someday I'll be saying things like "playing on the table again?  Okay.  Just this once." Or "it's okay that you've shredded my wandering jew plant, it only took me two years to get it that full and lush." 

It's a good thing the Boy and Girl understand "time out."  My parenting options of squirt bottle, beating or spoiling completely are pretty limited. 

More Rocky

Conversation with DH last night
Me:  DH, Rocky has been chasing his tail for 20 minutes!  What do you think that says about him?
DH:  You've been watching a cat chase his tail for 20 minutes.  What do you think that says about you?
End of conversation.