Saturday, September 18, 2010

It's called "trick the people"

Trick Number One:
It's called "hide under the china cabinet." 

If you have been especially bad --like, if you've been on the counter, or into a plant, or if you've been on the table sticking your paws into a vase and wrecking a bouquet, or if you've put teeth marks in a shoe -- this is a good trick.

Here's how it works.  As soon as you hear/see/smell people coming run, then DIVE, dive, dive under the China cabinet.  Then peek one eye out to see what is going on, and to make sure no one has noticed anything amuck in the kitchen.  This trick is effective for two reasons:  1) no one can get to you under the cabinet, unless you get cocky and stick your head out for too long and 2) if you are here, how can you have done such damage way over there?  Clearly, people, there's been a mistake.

This trick has two drawbacks: 1) Sometimes you have to hide for a long time, because it seems, people, especially the big red-headed one, have long memories.  2) When you are a growing kitty sometimes you forget to take into account that your head is larger than it once was.

Trick Number Two:

If you have been a bad kitty -- like, you've dug in a plant and then walked through the bathroom sink and left muddy footprints all over the counter, if you have taken a sock or two (not matching, of course), if you have hidden hair elastics or barettes, if you have scratched a chair or climbed a curtain -- this is a good trick.

Here's how it works.  As soon as you hear/see/smell people coming, run then leap onto The Chair.  Hold your head up high but not too high, look interested but not too interested, pose in a slightly arrogant, somewhat aristocratic manner.  This trick is effective for two reasons:  1) if I am here doing this, I could not have done that, and 2) Look at me.  I am beautiful.  Would I have stooped so low?

This trick has two drawbacks. 1) If your paws are muddy, you've not only given yourself away but you've also muddied The Chair.  2) When you are on The Chair, you are readily accessible and vulnerable.  There is no place to hide, and looks can only take you so far....

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